Hotels and Fruit
I believe the quality of fruit in a hotel lobby can be a good barometer of the hotel’s service and an indication of the type of people who stay there. These are a few of my observations about hotels and the fruits they serve.
I also believe that the more a hotel tries to broadcast a good image by using upscale words in its name, the worse the hotel actually is.
The Name:
The more aggressively a hotel uses the word “Quality” in it’s branding, the lower that quality seems to be. Similarly, the word “Premiere” in the name usually indicates a dump. The more honestly advertised “motel” is often more honest and unpretentious. The words “manor” and “suites” can be red flags as well. So when choosing between Motel 6, and the Premiere Quality Manor Suites Inn, I’ve found that, most of the time, the Motel 6 is a better bet. The latter is usually a cockroach infested homeless shelter with a wall-unit air conditioner that smells of urine (true story). The Four Seasons, by contrast, does not feel the need to clutter it’s name with misleading superlatives.
Breakfast and Fruit:
Continental breakfast is listed as an amenity at many hotels these days. A quick glance at the lobby of a hotel can often be a good indicator of the quality of the hotel (and of the other guests staying there).
The Dump:
A small basket of green bananas, tiny apples, and under-ripe oranges sitting next to a tray of pre-wrapped danishes tells me that no one at the hotel gives a shit about the fruit. Someone picks it up once a week. They don’t want to do it twice a week, so they buy the least ripe fruit they can find, knowing that no one will eat it anyway. They will either have to throw it away Sunday afternoon, or eat it themselves (and they are really sick of fruit).
The pre-wrapped pastries disappear by the handful, stuffed into the pockets of smelly and overly-fluffy jackets. The goal of the average patron at this hotel is to sleep off the current hangover until it is time to start working on the next one. Pre-wrapped danishes are very useful for this purpose. They provide a high number of calories with minimal effort.
The Family Hotel:
A waffle maker indicates that a hotel is targeting families with young children. Kids love to make their own waffles. They especially enjoy flipping the waffle machine when it beeps. Crowds of children will gather around the waffle machine and all get very excited when it beeps.
These hotels have pitchers of milk and orange juice. Sugary cereals are corralled in bulk dispensers. The pastries are not wrapped; this would encourage people to stuff them in pockets and purses. Cream Cheese or Jelly fillings also server to make sure the pastries are eaten on premises. No containers are provided so only the most seasoned veteran travelers will remember to arm themselves with zip-lock baggies before venturing downstairs.
There is a selection of bread and bagels in a lucite container and tongs are provided. The kids don’t bother with the tongs. The parents give the child the obligatory scolding to save face with the other parents but, the truth is, they’re too tired to give a shit. They’ve been up all night with 4 to 6 people crammed in a room with two queen sized beds and a hard couch. They are off to a local attraction where cheeseburgers cost twenty dollars each.
Families load up purses and diaper bags with fresh, reasonably sized fruit, and granola bars in order to save money on lunch. Some will take food back to their room, and hoard late-night snacks as well. This is why milk is served in a pitcher. If there were individual little cartons, people would stock the room fridge with dairy products as well. The goal of the average patron is to save money on restaurants by eating as many breakfasts as possible.
The Upscale Hotel:
A multi-tier tower of fresh, delicious, carefully curated fruit indicates a level of care that is expected at a high-end hotel.
The fruit is artfully arranged in geometric patterns. Perfect, yellow bananas circle the perimeter. Plump, juicy oranges form a small pyramid in the middle. Apples of several varieties are allocated their own bowl. Seasonal fruits adorn the top tier in a grand display of opulence and excess.
Any gap left by a missing banana is soon filled when the fruit sommelier notices that something is awry in their prized exhibit. They smile as they rearrange their cherished fruit into a, once-again, perfectly symmetrical display. They are happy in the knowledge that the (ok, I’ll go there) fruits of their labor have resulted in one of their prized apples finding a new home.
Most stickers have been carefully removed from the skin of the fruit. The exception is the “organic” sticker; these are left on to help the clientele feel condescendingly superior.
The goal of the average patron at this hotel is to impress someone with how well they’re doing. That someone could be themselves, another person or both.
-wgd